Create The True You

Today’s Thought: Find yourself and be that.

At the end of last year I was feeling very lost. I felt as though I was not being my true self; that I was bending to the will of domineering characters around me and being who they wanted me to be just so I could control the way they made me feel. The silly thing is, it made me feel ill and miserable.

What I needed to do was relocate my core values in order to remind myself of who I wanted to be. I made some time and space to work on this. A book that has really helped me is: The Happy Empath’s Workbook by Stephanie Jameson. It’s a little bit ‘out there’ but has masses of practical and sensible advice that has helped me to understand why I feel so oppressed by those around me and how I should manage the overwhelming sensations I experience. I have started to meditate daily, visualising who I want to be and how I want to behave and it is helping me to feel less anxious and more motivated and strong. It is making me realise that I am not some kind of weird failure who should change everything I am. For the first time in a long while, I feel empowered to be me. I am even starting to like me!

Over the holiday period, a gif popped up on my Facebook feed – what would you do if you weren’t afraid? I had been feeling so afraid leading up to the holiday time – afraid I wasn’t good enough; afraid of how people make me feel; afraid of letting people down; afraid that I was turning into someone I didn’t want to be. So much fear, it was starting to cripple me. At around the same time as that gif appeared, I started to see promotions for Life Coaching courses and that was when I had my epiphany. The coaching and mentoring part of my job is the part I enjoy most. I love it when I have helped people achieve a goal or helped them to improve the way they feel about themselves. I realised that I was constantly trying to meet people’s expectations in areas that I don’t enjoy and wasn’t giving enough time to the aspects of my role that I do enjoy and that I am strongest at; the aspects of my job that I feel have true purpose.

I needed to take action if I wanted to change my life; if I wanted to get rid of the fear in the long term. I think I may have found my purpose – to help people change their lives. This is what I should be doing; this is what will give me joy and purpose. I have signed up to an online course and am loving it. I have adjusted how I am behaving at work so I can focus on my areas of strengths. I still have to do the other parts of my job, but I am less worried because I know my strengths now and I know that I am practising these more so I can ultimately change my life in the long term. To achieve my final goal and change my job will take time – I cannot afford to just resign and run. However, I know what it is I was born to do now and I can take steps towards this every day for as long as it takes because now I know what I am on this earth to do.

Am I still scared? Yes, but I am also excited. Do I still lie awake at night, anxious about the next day? Yes, but I can now use my meditation strategy to ease the racing heart and feed my over-active brain the positive messages about small steps towards my purpose. Overall, life feels less scary and uncertain – at the moment. I am not under any illusion that because I know my true purpose, my anxiety will suddenly vanish. I am certain that the fear will continue to be a spectre in the background of every day, but now I can counteract it with the much brighter spirit of hope and love. I can push those energies out into the universe and feel their power come back to me.

Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t so afraid. Ask the universe what your true purpose is. Look for the signs around you that communicate joy and a sense of belonging to you – this is the universe communicating your purpose. Take small steps in the direction of hope, love and joy. Accept that you will be challenged along the way and plan for those moments. Just don’t lose sight of your true self; your honest self. It will start to set you free.

Honestly Strong

Today’s Thought: You are strong enough to face it, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

How often have you been consumed by anxiety before a specific event and felt as though you can’t possibly survive it and then found that the event is over and you are absolutely fine?

Maybe this is a good time to reflect on all those times and consider today’s thought. Yes, every time the anxiety bites, it’s terrifying and you feel as though you could spontaneously combust. Yes, your amygdala is screaming at you to run away or freeze in terror and you couldn’t hate it any more than you already do. But guess what, you survived!

You are strong.

You are kind.

You are creative.

You are honest (because let’s face it, everyone else feels exactly the same, but they’re not letting on)!

Fear is a reaction; courage is a decision and every time you choose to carry on regardless of your fear, you are showing how brave you are. Recognise your fear, then strap on your cape of courage and go out and face the world!

Be Honest About Fear

Today’s Thought: Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.

This week I felt fear build following a difficult interaction with a client. They were furious with us and had planted a seed of doubt in my mind about whether we had covered all our bases when dealing with them.

I sat with the feeling of anxiety and uncertainty for a minute or two, then had a flash of realisation. I didn’t need to. There were things I could do to reassure myself and check our actions. As soon as I decided to follow that path of investigation, the fear seemed to shrink and shrivel.

Next time the fear creeps is. Explore where the feeling is coming from then ask yourself what you can do about it. Is there a way to check facts? Is there someone you can seek guidance from? Is there corrective action you need to take? This way you control the fear and it no longer controls you.

It will swell within you from time to time, but you have the power to diminish it, to put it back in its place. Fear: False expectations/evidence appearing real. Check the honesty in a situation and you will quieten the fear.

Finding The Honest Root.

Today’s Thought: It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

Since this superior has come into my life, I feel as though I have been catapulted into a murky soup of confusion and fear. I feel as though I am on the outside looking in; weird; unacceptable; stupid; as though my soul is to be consumed and overpowered.

This week these feelings have led me to make the wrong decision, simply because I feared the superior’s opinion of me. My fear and the subsequent decision impacted negatively on another person and rebounded back to me as it rightly should have done. I cannot let this happen again; it is the opposite to the honest existence I crave.

Where did this all begin? All these sensations and feelings are old – they feel older than I and as if they don’t all belong to me. I recently read that who you want to be is who you truly are. I want to be free, creative, happy and caring, yet when I experience people who resurrect these violent emotions in me, I am frequently terrified, stunted, anxious and cut myself off from others.

To remove the power this superior has over me, I have to identify where these feelings originate. I have to heal and find peace.

It is time to use my honesty quest to look deeper inside; look further back and find the root cause of my fears and anxieties. If I can do this, then I will be able to remove the negative influence this person has over me and re-discover my inner-confidence.

This week’s mantra will be: ‘be who you are and want to be!’

Fighting Fear with Honesty

Today’s Thought: I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong.

The past two weeks I have been living in my lizard brain. I have allowed it to hijack me and infiltrate my thoughts and generate my feelings. It is sickeningly exhausting and I have resolved to stop it.

I now have a superior who scares me. Why is this? It’s because I am terrified she will expose me as a fraud; that she will see I am incapable of doing my job; that she will confirm what I fear most – I am a failure.

How am I going to change my thought pattern? I am stuck with this superior, so I have to find a way not to just live with them, but to thrive with them; I must find a way to believe in myself and my capabilities and I need to be as honest with myself as I am trying to be with others.

I am going to make a list of hard evidence that proves I am good at my job and then a list of the areas I need to improve in order to feel really confident at my job. I am going to use this list when working with my superior – if I feel it’s an area that I am competent in, then I am going to make sure I have the evidence to prove it to hand; if it’s an area I am fearful that I lack the skills with knowledge for, I am going to ask for advice and support.

For others to believe in me, I need to do so first. Honestly, it’s a tough ask – I rely on others for reassurance so much that it is going to be deeply uncomfortable to change, but change it I must.

My honesty journey is now taking me to unchartered territory – I must be positively honest with myself.

Honesty Versus Fear.

Today’s Thought: With integrity you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.

This thought makes so much sense – it really does. However, a decades long struggle between honesty, integrity and fear still rages on. The immense effort it can take to pour water on the fire of fear in order to do the right thing can sometimes be exhausting. Sometimes the power of the fear is so strong that you don’t even realise it has won until the struggle is over and you are sat among the debris, realising that there is still a mess to tidy up because you made the wrong decision for the wrong reasons.

Over this past week, I have become more and more aware of the fear creeping back into my decision making. I hate it! I fear the fear! I feel sick at the sensation of the fear triumphing over rational thought; I live in terror of the fear masquerading as rational thought – in short, fear sucks!

I suppose I should be comforted, however, at the fact I know the fear is there. It’s shadowy tentacles lurk within me, still and silent, waiting for the perfect moment to either leap out and pounce on me or to insidiously wrap its poisonous limbs around my mind, injecting me with anxiety. I suppose I should be proud of my awareness of the fear; confident that I can recognise when it is at work and controlling my actions and thoughts. The problem is that I sometimes recognise it too late; after the decision is made and the deed is done!

I am getting better, though. I can recognise the unsettling sensation sooner; I am questioning my decisions faster and when I realise I have let fear win again, I am forgiving myself more quickly.

From a shaky start to the week where I could feel the fear driving my every move; feeding a migraine that didn’t dissipate until I had given freedom to the honesty, I ended the week having given voice to the honesty and having started to pack the fear away in its lair once again.

On my journey to a calm and honest life, I have to accept there will be times when I regress. Fear is a brawny beast so it makes sense that it is a fractious and obstreperous opponent. I must remain undaunted in my hunt for peace through honesty. Each day is a new opportunity to win the fight and I must accept that the fight will begin afresh each day. I must remind myself that honesty will save me, even if I fear it!

Fear Vs Honesty

Today’s Thought: Fear never goes away. All that we long for lies on the other side of fear. The best way to get to what we want it to go through the fear.

Confrontation terrifies me. It makes me curl up and submit just so I can avoid the sickening feeling of having created an atmosphere; upset someone; make myself look potentially silly or, most of all, avoid being shouted at. Confrontation or, to be more specific, what I believe confrontation to be, makes me feel like a child. I feel unsafe, vulnerable and as if what will follow will feel unjust.

Clearly all that I feel is old – it comes from somewhere in my past and whenever I have to confront someone, those old feelings return and hijack me. What can I do about it? All I want is to make that crushing fear disappear.

Unfortunately, I have to face it. In my pursuit for a more honest life, I have to confront some people and issues – it’s unavoidable. This means the fear is unavoidable – I am going to have to work through it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting; there will be someone there who is going to challenge lots of things, because they have an almost compulsive need for control. The right thing for me to do will be to challenge back when I genuinely believe that what they are saying won’t be best for the clients or organisation as as whole. This is usually where I come unstuck. Normally I find reasons to agree with them just so I can avoid them sulking for the rest of the meeting or coming back later to whine and impress the brilliance of their views on me again.

I must stop doing this, so tomorrow I am going to add to my honesty challenge. To be my most honest self, I have to remain true to my vision and therefore take a deep breath and calmly pose a different point of view. Whatever happens next is out of my circle of control and actually out of my responsibility. The only responsibility I have is to be calm and kind when I deliver my honest response. The response of the other person is not my responsibility – it’s theirs and I shouldn’t fear it, they should!

Look out fear, here comes honesty!

Honesty Brings Improvement.

Today’s Thought: Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

I am often fearful of being wrong; that my judgement on the quality of someone else’s work is wrong; that I will be found wanting and then disapproved of.

I can be totally honest with myself about what I am fearful of.

Today, though, I admitted to myself that I need to be more honest about the areas I am less than I want to be in…..then actually DO something about it. I am sure that it seems a really simple realisation to some people, but it’s taken me some time to get to this point.

Honesty, plus effort equals success and confidence!

As well as honesty, I am adding effort to my goals. I need to make enough effort to work through that squeezing sensation when I feel like I really want to be somewhere else, doing something else, in order to gain the satisfaction of having done something really well. This is how I can gain the confidence of a job well done.

Come on honesty, come on effort – I think we are going to be good friends!

Honesty Vs Fear.

Today’s Thought: I think honesty is the most heroic quality one can aspire to.

That conflict within. Most of us want to be good people, want others to think we’re a good person, but then fear creeps in and stretches its tentacles out so we manipulate and try to regain that illusion of control.

Fear lives in all of us; it just wears different disguises. Sometimes it’s cloaked in anger, sometimes as anxiety; sometimes as ambition – there are too many ways that fear re-invents itself to list. The truth is that fear manipulates us, drawing us in all kinds of directions under the guise of bringing us the gift of peace.

I am learning day by day the calm that honesty brings me and I am also learning the reasons why dishonesty can seem so tempting. Wherever the fear comes from must be pin-pointed; it’s lair found. Once you know what gave life to that fear, it can be controlled. Honesty can be the master of fear.

Know yourself; know your fear and be honest about it, then you can start to transform from the terrified, wounded animal into the supremely confident phoenix and rise above it.