Fear Vs Honesty

Today’s Thought: Fear never goes away. All that we long for lies on the other side of fear. The best way to get to what we want it to go through the fear.

Confrontation terrifies me. It makes me curl up and submit just so I can avoid the sickening feeling of having created an atmosphere; upset someone; make myself look potentially silly or, most of all, avoid being shouted at. Confrontation or, to be more specific, what I believe confrontation to be, makes me feel like a child. I feel unsafe, vulnerable and as if what will follow will feel unjust.

Clearly all that I feel is old – it comes from somewhere in my past and whenever I have to confront someone, those old feelings return and hijack me. What can I do about it? All I want is to make that crushing fear disappear.

Unfortunately, I have to face it. In my pursuit for a more honest life, I have to confront some people and issues – it’s unavoidable. This means the fear is unavoidable – I am going to have to work through it.

Tomorrow I have a meeting; there will be someone there who is going to challenge lots of things, because they have an almost compulsive need for control. The right thing for me to do will be to challenge back when I genuinely believe that what they are saying won’t be best for the clients or organisation as as whole. This is usually where I come unstuck. Normally I find reasons to agree with them just so I can avoid them sulking for the rest of the meeting or coming back later to whine and impress the brilliance of their views on me again.

I must stop doing this, so tomorrow I am going to add to my honesty challenge. To be my most honest self, I have to remain true to my vision and therefore take a deep breath and calmly pose a different point of view. Whatever happens next is out of my circle of control and actually out of my responsibility. The only responsibility I have is to be calm and kind when I deliver my honest response. The response of the other person is not my responsibility – it’s theirs and I shouldn’t fear it, they should!

Look out fear, here comes honesty!

Honesty Brings Improvement.

Today’s Thought: Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

I am often fearful of being wrong; that my judgement on the quality of someone else’s work is wrong; that I will be found wanting and then disapproved of.

I can be totally honest with myself about what I am fearful of.

Today, though, I admitted to myself that I need to be more honest about the areas I am less than I want to be in…..then actually DO something about it. I am sure that it seems a really simple realisation to some people, but it’s taken me some time to get to this point.

Honesty, plus effort equals success and confidence!

As well as honesty, I am adding effort to my goals. I need to make enough effort to work through that squeezing sensation when I feel like I really want to be somewhere else, doing something else, in order to gain the satisfaction of having done something really well. This is how I can gain the confidence of a job well done.

Come on honesty, come on effort – I think we are going to be good friends!

Honesty Vs Fear.

Today’s Thought: I think honesty is the most heroic quality one can aspire to.

That conflict within. Most of us want to be good people, want others to think we’re a good person, but then fear creeps in and stretches its tentacles out so we manipulate and try to regain that illusion of control.

Fear lives in all of us; it just wears different disguises. Sometimes it’s cloaked in anger, sometimes as anxiety; sometimes as ambition – there are too many ways that fear re-invents itself to list. The truth is that fear manipulates us, drawing us in all kinds of directions under the guise of bringing us the gift of peace.

I am learning day by day the calm that honesty brings me and I am also learning the reasons why dishonesty can seem so tempting. Wherever the fear comes from must be pin-pointed; it’s lair found. Once you know what gave life to that fear, it can be controlled. Honesty can be the master of fear.

Know yourself; know your fear and be honest about it, then you can start to transform from the terrified, wounded animal into the supremely confident phoenix and rise above it.