A Win For Honesty!

Today’s Thought: Honesty is the foundation of trust; honest hearts produce honest actions; honesty is the highest forms of intimacy; honesty is the best policy at all times.

Having decided to enter my meeting prepared to tell the truth, I felt confident. I shared the truth and waited…..and the sky did not fall in! What followed was a discussion, sharing of guidance and expertise and my confidence was re-built.

Honesty = confidence and calmness.

I will sleep tonight!

We should really encourage this across our society. If we didn’t make everything so high stakes and generate fear around the roles we take on in life, people would find honesty much easier. All high stakes creates is high threat. High threat breeds fear and fear feeds dishonesty. If we all empowered everyone to be honest and that whatever that honesty was, we would build a plan around it, then everyone would act with honour, confident that they would be safe. Success would be greater, because no one would be trying to cover up the truth; success is only possible with truth!

If each one of us showed gratitude for someone else’s honesty, then life and the challenges it throws at us would be less terrifying; we would receive more honesty in return. Watch out for the truth tomorrow and show your appreciation – let’s build a platform for honesty to be the star of the show!

Honesty Vs Anxiety

Today’s Thought: Nothing makes you more vulnerable that your refusal to be honest with yourself about what you want.

I have a meeting tomorrow and I want it to go well. There are facts that mean it might not go well. I am full of anxiety!

I have thought through my options:

  1. Fib about the facts or twist them so they say what I want. Result: Anxiety!
  2. Play blind optimism – I am sure that what I am predicting will happen, despite what any of the factual evidence says! Result: Anxiety!
  3. Be honest. Tell them the facts, tell what what we hope will happen, but also what will happen if we cannot achieve what we hope. Result: Less anxious!

I am sure it seems obvious to those more confident in their own abilities, but to those of us who spend most of our lives feeling like impostors, being honest can make us feel so vulnerable. It is also worth noting, however, that being dishonest causes huge anxiety, so one must decide what is worse – anxiety or vulnerability.

Tomorrow, I am going to make myself vulnerable – oddly enough I feel powerful because of this!

Using Honesty To Quell The Two-Faced.

Today’s Thought: Honesty has a power few people can handle.

Honesty is powerful – it should be. It has the power to bring calm and order; the power to bring change and improvement and it, sadly, can have the power to bring hurt and tears. But, maybe that’s because sometimes we’re not being honest, we’re just moaning and we are failing to be honest to ourselves.

Often people whine behind other people’s backs – they think they aren’t committed enough, they aren’t working hard enough or they’re making the wrong decision about something. Too often, though, we never say what we’re thinking to other people. We tell ourselves that it’s because we don’t want to upset them, but is it really because what we’re complaining about is more to do with us than them?

I have regularly heard others complaining about someone else’s manner, their quality of work or their choice of hair colour. They speak as though the impact on them is catastrophic – they talk of unfairness; inappropriateness or make just plain unkind observations. I have been part of such conversations in the past, but now I analyse them; I consider whether what I am actually saying is: ‘I think I’m not good enough, nice enough, attractive enough, efficient enough; I’m the problem really and they’re just highlighting inadequacies I think I might have’.

Every day I set myself the positive intentions to: be kind in my words about others; have integrity in my actions and pay attention to detail. It brings me a sense of calm that whatever happens, I am doing my best to bring about positive change and that no one can question my actions or words.

The next time you find yourself in one of those negative conversations, just stop and think: If I have time to moan about it, I have time to do something positive to change it; is this about them or me? Seize the courage to speak to someone who might be behaving or working in a way that brings about less than the desired outcomes – don’t just leave it to your superiors, take control yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to stomp up to them and tell them all the terrible things you’ve ever thought of them and you think they should be fired, it just means you need to say ‘I need to make you aware that….’ Even if they react badly, at least you had the courage to tell them kindly and honestly that what they were doing wasn’t necessarily right or effective. You can feel proud of taking positive action and, believe me, you will sleep better at night having done so. You will stop doubting yourself and your abilities, because you will know you have done the right thing – that’s what most of us want to know, that we are doing the right thing. Also, you never know – they might just thank you – they are likely to be as insecure as you are!

Pour honesty on the fire of negativity; bring integrity to the battle of improvement and find that your anxiety will lessen, because you no longer need to worry that anyone will find out what you have said and call you out on it! You will then have harnessed the power of honesty – you can be one of those ‘few people’. Wouldn’t it be great if more people could handle the power of honesty – we would all be happier.

Feeding Dishonesty.

Today’s Thought: The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren’t worth the truth.

So many people tell lies – I know I have. We lie because we are fearful; fearful of consequences; fearful of losing control and sometimes because actually we are fearful that WE are not worth the truth.

When I was young, I told lies – elaborate ones! The usual ‘feeling sick’ to get out of school, yes, but also some pretty huge and complex lies that involved months of medical professionals being involved until one by one they all ‘outed’ me as a liar!

What on earth was I doing? It’s easy to forgive children for lying, because we consider them unfinished, learning how to live in the right way. Perhaps, it would be sensible to unpick what is going on for them more, though.

On reflection, I can see that my childhood lies were more than about trying to get out of school or wanting attention. It was all about fear – fear that I somehow wasn’t good enough. The lies tested how much my care givers were prepared to look after me; I was looking for affirmation that I was wanted, loved and good enough to deserve these things.

Maybe that’s what all liars are doing. So maybe today’s thought needs a partner: The worse thing about being a liar is feeling like you aren’t good enough for the truth.

Honesty can make you vulnerable; it can also bring you peace. Lying can and will cause you anxiety; it can also bring you much craved attention and love and if you are bereft of these, you are prepared to do almost anything to get it.

Having integrity is always the best path, but duplicity can be a habit. It is worth working hard to break the habit – to find the internal hush that only truthfulness can bring. Tell yourself that you ARE worth the truth – find the root of your doubt and challenge it with honesty every step of the way.

You Didn’t Start The Fire – Honestly!

Today’s Thought: At any moment you have the given power to say, ‘This is not how the story is going to end’.

Have you ever felt an emotion and have no real clue where it originated? Fear, anger, sadness, anxiety? Of course you have!

Have you ever considered, though, that the emotion didn’t start with you and maybe what you are doing is carrying around a growing holdall of other people’s feelings?

That terror you have of other people’s disapproval – look for it in your family. Who else is driven by the fear of the disapproval of others? Do they project it on to you? That rage you have when to see injustice – is it familiar with those close to you? Is it a trigger for you?

Just maybe those emotions are being passed through the generations, growing in power and complexity. You DON’T need to own them; you DO need to work through them and find their roots.

Then let go; free yourself! It honestly didn’t start with you and you can honestly end it!

Honestly Not Up To It!

Today’s Thought: Just leave me alone. I’m not myself. I’m falling apart and I don’t want you here.

Every day I try to suck up the emotions of others; try to fix their problems; try to comfort them.

Today I honestly couldn’t manage. I just feel low; inadequate and overwhelmed. I should have been honest with myself and hidden really, but I just tried to carry on as normal.

I ended up managing a situation badly because I wasn’t honest with my ability to cope today.

I have coping strategies; I have long periods where I am absolutely fine and then without warning, days when I feel as though the blinds have been drawn and I’m being kept from the light. The pressure in my head builds and the darkness weighs down and grows like a hurricane on a weather map – swirling, spreading and deepening in blackness.

I am honestly grateful that I had a few supportive colleagues who came to my rescue. I am honestly cross with myself for being unprofessional and not doing my best in my role. I am honestly exhausted and have nothing left to give today.

BUT…

Tomorrow might be different and tomorrow is what I need to see as a clean sheet – crisp and fresh, soft and inviting. Tomorrow I might be better. There is always hope – and that’s honestly true.

Can Truth Change?

Today’s Thought: You can’t life your life based on other people’s point of view.

This resonates today. I gave what I thought was honest feedback to a colleague today. I thought they had understood, but then talked about what I had said with someone else. Later in the day they returned with a different perspective on what I had said.

Does this mean that truth can change? Can it alter based on someone’s perspective? Surely not! Surely truth is fact and facts can be proven as unchangeable?

Or….perhaps the shape of the truth, the way it makes you feel and how it affects your future can change based on perspective.

I will be watching closely to see how this person’s shift in perspective affects their response to the truth they were given today.