A Great Life is Honesty…

Today’s Thought: Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience – this is the ideal life.

Life is an ornate closet. Newly delivered it is pristine, shines and takes pride of place within the home. As time passes, scratches attack and clutter weighs its surface. Inside its drawers, lost dreams and unsaid words huddle, trapped by fear and convention. In the end, it is carried out, tired and beaten, its secrets emptied and disposed of. Eternally second-hand, but never ever worthless.

Words and Actions Must Match.

Today’s Thought: Be honest in what you SAY and DO.

I am in the fourth month of my honesty quest and I can truthfully say it has been a game changer for me. My life is so much happier and calmer than before. I feel more confident and less anxious – I had had no idea that being conscious about my level of honesty would make such a difference.

So what made the change in myself work? How did I maintain my commitment to my promise?

  1. I visualised the person I wanted to be and defined how that person would behave.
  2. I made daily commitments to the words and actions that kind of person would show to the world.
  3. I paid close attention to my feelings and actions, so I could track where I made mistakes or where I prevented mistakes with my level of honesty. I noted what my motivations were and whether they were useful to my cause or contrary.
  4. If I made mistakes, I addressed them quickly so I could stay on track.
  5. I told the people I found it most difficult to be honest with that I was trying to be more honest and I would not be participating in unkind talk or behaviour.
  6. I used this blog to keep myself on track – it has been my visible conscience.

I know I am still on my journey and I am not the finished article (will I ever be? Is anyone?) but I wanted to take the time to acknowledge how far I have come and the difference it has made. I wanted to let everyone know that such a simple change has made such a monumental difference.

Honesty is the key to happiness for me – is it the key for you?

When Did Opinion Become Truth?

Today’s Thought: There are four very important words in life: Love, honesty, truth and respect. Without these in your life, you have nothing.

In my job I have to provide information; offer advice and sometimes draw attention to what people are doing wrong or inappropriately. It means that I unintentionally upset people because I make them face uncomfortable truths. This sometimes means I am the target for their guilt and anger online.

I guess the question I have is when did their opinions become truth or fact? They seem to think that by ranting about what has been said/told to them on their social media pages will sometimes change the facts they have been provided with into something they feel happier about. The reality is that it changes nothing. The truth is still the truth whether they like it or not. All they have done is show disrespect; projected their guilt and have avoided reality.

When did we decide that if we disagree with something and share that disagreement online, that it somehow means our disagreement/opinion becomes the fact, the truth and everyone should therefore change reality to fit in with it? Human’s use of social media as an outlet for their rage is an unfortunate habit. They seem to feel protected by the shield of the screen; surprised when the target of their wrath finds out what they wrote and defensive when challenged about the appropriateness of their actions.

It somewhat contradicts the title ‘Social Media’. It becomes ‘Anti-Social Media’. We need to change; we need to acknowledge that sometimes our anger comes from guilt, from feelings of inadequacy or fear. If we could face that truth, then perhaps social media would be more social, more collaborative and much kinder. For that to happen, though, we would need more collaboration and kindness in the real world. That’s when we will see genuine change to a gentler and more empathetic society – surely that should be our goal, that should be the prize.

Honesty Creates Energy

Today’s Thought: Be honest in your life. It creates positive energy, stopping all unfairness through life.

I have been reflecting on why I feel so much more calm since I have been dedicating my life to honesty. It’s not only that honesty ensures you need not worry about being found out; it’s because honesty means you encounter less ‘unfairness’.

Sometimes difficult things happen and it can seem unfair – there will of course be things that happen that really are unfair, a relative becoming seriously ill for example is never fair. There are other difficult things, however, that we can view as unfair, but in reality we just haven’t reflected enough on the situation to see what we can change for ourselves. By calling things unfair we disempower ourselves. It can seem comforting at first to describe a situation as unfair, but is ultimately frustrating because by removing our responsibility for anything by saying it’s unfair, we also remove our ability to improve the situation because we deny responsibility!

Be honest with yourself when you hear something less than favourable about yourself. Ask yourself – is it true; is there actual evidence that what they are telling you is true or partly true? If there is evidence, ask yourself what you can do about making a change. You have the power to make a difference! You have the power to make things feel fair again! It just takes honesty and a willingness to accept responsibility for your own life!

Remember that wonderful saying – accept what you can’t change; change what you can’t accept.

The power of honesty will give you the strength to do this. Having the strength to do this will give you the power to disperse unfairness!

Lift Others Honestly.

Today’s Thought: Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.

What I have discovered over the past few weeks is that honestly leads to progress! It truly is the fastest route to a desired destination; it makes everyone around you relaxed and happier.

Kind honesty = calm progress!

An Honest Confidence

Today’s Thought: Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’

For so long I have struggled with being honest. I have been so terrified that if I tell people the truth that they won’t like me any more. It has been so much easier to tell people what they want to hear – it keeps everything comfortable and safe. Until it doesn’t!

I have a role that requires me to be honest; it means that the organisation can achieve the best for its clients. Without true honesty, we will fail. As my courage in being honest grows, so does the strength within our organisation.

Of course, the requirement to be honest leads to some difficult conversations and I have recently realised that I have been anticipating these conversations more as confrontations – just the kind of situation I am desperate to avoid. So, how have I started to overcome this barrier to success and honesty?

Every day, I pledge 4 positive intentions:

Be kind, honest and professional in your words.

Have integrity and best practice in your actions.

Remain true to your vision and pay attention to detail.

Remember it’s a conversation, not a confrontation.

As long as I plan to have a gentle honest conversation in which I explain my concerns or provide my guidance, I feel that I am holding true to my values and aims. I know that I am not seeking drama or a fight so if someone responds aggressively, I don’t have to take responsibility for their words and actions. The only words and actions I am responsible for are my own.

I can feel the strength from living and speaking honestly growing within me. The warmth of confidence is slowly seeping into my soul and it is allowing me to notice my own talents and attributes; making me know I am capable of achieving my goals and that I don’t have to rely on others to do so.

So much anxiety and self doubt can be avoided and so much confidence can grow should you choose to take the honest path.

Open Up Your Honesty.

Today’s Thought: Something magical happens when your are completely honest with yourself, and when that happens no one can ever hurt you again.

Honesty

Buried deep,

Secluded in the dark.

The truth resides,

A tiny ember, struggling to remain alight.

Open your heart and savour its warmth,

Inhale its comfort and safety;

Exhale to fan its fragile flame,

Release it into the light.

And bask in the ultimate liberation.