Today’s Thought: Depression is being colour-blind and constantly told how colourful the world is.
For a long time I have been fighting the truth, but now I have to face it and say it out loud. I have depression. It’s official. The doctor said so. I feel so guilty.
I feel guilty, because I don’t believe I have anything so terrible in my life that I should be depressed: I have a home, a job, a loving husband and just about enough money coming in to cover the bills. I am healthy and I have plenty to eat; I have friends and luxuries like books and TV.
It’s a strange sensation, waking up each morning and feeling devoid of purpose. Things I would normally fight for seem unworthy of the battle; activities I would normally derive joy from seem blank and a chore.
I feel that I have nothing to offer any more.
Today I must submit my prescription for medication and embark on this long journey to rediscover myself and I am frightened. I am terrified that I will lose myself further in this deep pit filled with confusion, loathing and fear.
Today my sole aim will be to look upwards from the pit and find one way to feel purpose; one act of kindness where I feel as though I have made a difference. Through this dense fog, I must put one foot in front of the other until I can be me once again.
Here goes – the first step.