Today’s Thought: Find yourself and be that.
At the end of last year I was feeling very lost. I felt as though I was not being my true self; that I was bending to the will of domineering characters around me and being who they wanted me to be just so I could control the way they made me feel. The silly thing is, it made me feel ill and miserable.
What I needed to do was relocate my core values in order to remind myself of who I wanted to be. I made some time and space to work on this. A book that has really helped me is: The Happy Empath’s Workbook by Stephanie Jameson. It’s a little bit ‘out there’ but has masses of practical and sensible advice that has helped me to understand why I feel so oppressed by those around me and how I should manage the overwhelming sensations I experience. I have started to meditate daily, visualising who I want to be and how I want to behave and it is helping me to feel less anxious and more motivated and strong. It is making me realise that I am not some kind of weird failure who should change everything I am. For the first time in a long while, I feel empowered to be me. I am even starting to like me!
Over the holiday period, a gif popped up on my Facebook feed – what would you do if you weren’t afraid? I had been feeling so afraid leading up to the holiday time – afraid I wasn’t good enough; afraid of how people make me feel; afraid of letting people down; afraid that I was turning into someone I didn’t want to be. So much fear, it was starting to cripple me. At around the same time as that gif appeared, I started to see promotions for Life Coaching courses and that was when I had my epiphany. The coaching and mentoring part of my job is the part I enjoy most. I love it when I have helped people achieve a goal or helped them to improve the way they feel about themselves. I realised that I was constantly trying to meet people’s expectations in areas that I don’t enjoy and wasn’t giving enough time to the aspects of my role that I do enjoy and that I am strongest at; the aspects of my job that I feel have true purpose.
I needed to take action if I wanted to change my life; if I wanted to get rid of the fear in the long term. I think I may have found my purpose – to help people change their lives. This is what I should be doing; this is what will give me joy and purpose. I have signed up to an online course and am loving it. I have adjusted how I am behaving at work so I can focus on my areas of strengths. I still have to do the other parts of my job, but I am less worried because I know my strengths now and I know that I am practising these more so I can ultimately change my life in the long term. To achieve my final goal and change my job will take time – I cannot afford to just resign and run. However, I know what it is I was born to do now and I can take steps towards this every day for as long as it takes because now I know what I am on this earth to do.
Am I still scared? Yes, but I am also excited. Do I still lie awake at night, anxious about the next day? Yes, but I can now use my meditation strategy to ease the racing heart and feed my over-active brain the positive messages about small steps towards my purpose. Overall, life feels less scary and uncertain – at the moment. I am not under any illusion that because I know my true purpose, my anxiety will suddenly vanish. I am certain that the fear will continue to be a spectre in the background of every day, but now I can counteract it with the much brighter spirit of hope and love. I can push those energies out into the universe and feel their power come back to me.
Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t so afraid. Ask the universe what your true purpose is. Look for the signs around you that communicate joy and a sense of belonging to you – this is the universe communicating your purpose. Take small steps in the direction of hope, love and joy. Accept that you will be challenged along the way and plan for those moments. Just don’t lose sight of your true self; your honest self. It will start to set you free.