Today’s thought: A hurtful act is the transference to others, of the degradation which we bear in ourselves.
I have been feeling blue recently, dissatisfied, confused about what I wanted and oppressed. I had trawled through all the possible reasons why – all of the reasons seemed reasonable and I just thought that I would have to endure the sensations.
I saw my therapist yesterday and told her how I had been feeling. I also told her how exhausting I was finding one of my colleagues. A colleague who had been telling me how negative and dissatisfied she was feeling with her job and the organisation we work for. My therapist returned to the way I had described how I was feeling and told me that she thought I was experiencing transference; that my colleague had transferred her insecurities and anxieties on to me.
As soon as she said it wasn’t mine, I felt a release! I didn’t have to feel those feelings because they weren’t mine to feel. I am also not responsible for her feeling those feelings either! I could let go and find my usual stance of positivity and enthusiasm once again. Have you ever felt negative, but unsure why? My therapist explained to me that I could test to see whether what I was feeling belonged to me or to someone else by simply asking myself what it was I had to do during my day and see how I felt about it. Sudden, oppressive feelings were likely to belong to someone else; more reasoned feelings to me.
I know that I am going to have to be honest with my colleague the next time that they start in a negative vein. I have to protect myself from their emotions and I need to try and help them see that they have power over their own feelings; they have choices they can make and can control their situation positively if they take time to stop blaming others and start taking action towards making their world how they want it. I think I will start by displaying a quotation on my office door: Those who spend their time looking for faults in others, usually spend no time on correcting their own. It will serve as a reminder to me as much as anyone else that I want to run a supportive team who lift one another up and don’t tear one another down.
I am going to be watchful for the destructive forces of transference in the future; it can make me someone I don’t want to be.