Today’s Thought: Fear never goes away. All that we long for lies on the other side of fear. The best way to get to what we want it to go through the fear.
Confrontation terrifies me. It makes me curl up and submit just so I can avoid the sickening feeling of having created an atmosphere; upset someone; make myself look potentially silly or, most of all, avoid being shouted at. Confrontation or, to be more specific, what I believe confrontation to be, makes me feel like a child. I feel unsafe, vulnerable and as if what will follow will feel unjust.
Clearly all that I feel is old – it comes from somewhere in my past and whenever I have to confront someone, those old feelings return and hijack me. What can I do about it? All I want is to make that crushing fear disappear.
Unfortunately, I have to face it. In my pursuit for a more honest life, I have to confront some people and issues – it’s unavoidable. This means the fear is unavoidable – I am going to have to work through it.
Tomorrow I have a meeting; there will be someone there who is going to challenge lots of things, because they have an almost compulsive need for control. The right thing for me to do will be to challenge back when I genuinely believe that what they are saying won’t be best for the clients or organisation as as whole. This is usually where I come unstuck. Normally I find reasons to agree with them just so I can avoid them sulking for the rest of the meeting or coming back later to whine and impress the brilliance of their views on me again.
I must stop doing this, so tomorrow I am going to add to my honesty challenge. To be my most honest self, I have to remain true to my vision and therefore take a deep breath and calmly pose a different point of view. Whatever happens next is out of my circle of control and actually out of my responsibility. The only responsibility I have is to be calm and kind when I deliver my honest response. The response of the other person is not my responsibility – it’s theirs and I shouldn’t fear it, they should!
Look out fear, here comes honesty!