Honestly Not Up To It!

Today’s Thought: Just leave me alone. I’m not myself. I’m falling apart and I don’t want you here.

Every day I try to suck up the emotions of others; try to fix their problems; try to comfort them.

Today I honestly couldn’t manage. I just feel low; inadequate and overwhelmed. I should have been honest with myself and hidden really, but I just tried to carry on as normal.

I ended up managing a situation badly because I wasn’t honest with my ability to cope today.

I have coping strategies; I have long periods where I am absolutely fine and then without warning, days when I feel as though the blinds have been drawn and I’m being kept from the light. The pressure in my head builds and the darkness weighs down and grows like a hurricane on a weather map – swirling, spreading and deepening in blackness.

I am honestly grateful that I had a few supportive colleagues who came to my rescue. I am honestly cross with myself for being unprofessional and not doing my best in my role. I am honestly exhausted and have nothing left to give today.

BUT…

Tomorrow might be different and tomorrow is what I need to see as a clean sheet – crisp and fresh, soft and inviting. Tomorrow I might be better. There is always hope – and that’s honestly true.

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