Today’s Thought: Heart to heart conversations are the best to me. Everyone’s vulnerable. Vulnerability attracts honesty; honesty attracts soul connections.
I have kept my honesty project to myself for the most part, but today I had a conversation with someone that proved to me how vital my resolution to live more honestly was.
During a chat about how to deal about managing our own triggers around someone else’s quirks, I found myself talking about people’s fear of owning up to mistakes. I often find that people daren’t admit if they have made a mistake these days, because of the blame culture that seems to exist everywhere. I have always found, however, that it is best to admit any errors – it hasn’t failed me yet, but I always do so with my heart in my mouth.
The person I was talking to then shared with me how much they hate being lied to and that they cannot ever feel the same about someone if they find out they have been told a lie. It was a game changer for them. They would walk over hot coals for their friends of family, but if they have been lied to, then they would feel extremely betrayed and unable to regard the relationship as strong any more.
My own husband detests lying as well. He often has to investigate what might have gone wrong within his job and his blood boils when he is lied to about what has happened because someone is trying to cover their back or, even worse, just plain cover up any mistakes and deny they ever happened. He has always said that he would just rather someone was up front and owned up, then they could work out how to ensure it won’t happen again – problem solved!
So, why don’t people own up? Why do they feel the need to lie? The answer is always fear; fear of blame and what the result will be. It just seems ridiculous to me that we have created a society where we are terrified to be honest and admit we are human and make mistakes! There has to be a reason for every error and a ‘fall guy’ so people can feel someone has been made accountable. To me, it’s not accountability, it’s revenge. Accountability is about being responsible, which should include honesty. We cannot encourage accountability if we employ punitive measures alongside it, as all this does is make people fearful of being punished.
Because of the hunger for blame, compensation, a need to release rage, we have gone too far with our definition of what it means to be accountable at the detriment of honesty. Just as the person I was talking to today said she would do anything for her friends and family if they were honest, people need to feel that of their employers; everyone needs to feel as though as long as they are honest, they needn’t live in fear of being human. Mistakes happen and when they do, we should feel encouraged to be truthful about them, take responsibility to correct them – that’s accountability.
Honesty – it is best to allow it freedom rather than threaten it with the big blame stick!